Today’s topic is regret. And yes, I realize that doesn’t sound like a typical topic for what is allegedly a humor column. But I’m experiencing regret right now and writing is good therapy. Besides, I have a column due and no other idea for it.

Here’s what happened. On April 7, I flew back from Dayton, Ohio, where I’d been attending the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop. The workshop was as wonderful as you’d expect. If you can’t have fun at a humor writers convention you’re just not trying.

But my enjoyment was spoiled somewhat by the knowledge that I was leaving Dayton the day before the solar eclipse. And Dayton was a perfect location to see it in totality. I’m often a day late and a dollar short. This time I was a day early. I was still a dollar short though.

I would have stayed an extra day, but this was one of those rare occasions when I’d been efficient. I’d made my reservations long before the eclipse was all the talk, at least in my world. Believe me, I won’t be so efficient again.

A better travel agent than I am could have changed my hotel and airline reservations to stay an extra day but that proved too much for me. Dayton was overrun with excited people coming to see the eclipse. Some of them probably moved into my hotel room shortly after I left it. I hope they waited for maid service.

I take some comfort in the fact that even if I didn’t see the eclipse, I still get a column out of it. And there will be another eclipse in twenty years. I’ll put it on my calendar as soon as I have one for 2044.

For now I’m adding “missing total eclipse by one day” to my long list of regrets. It’s right up there with letting the tow truck driver leave before my stalled car was running, winning $700 but not being present to claim it and only noticing I’d left my briefcase on the hood of my car as it slid off into the storm sewer. I envy people who say they have no regrets. I’m not sure if it means they’ve never made a mistake, they forgive themselves easily or they have very poor memories. Despite my often-faulty memory, I remember every mistake I’ve ever made in vivid detail. Dumb things I’ve done and said come back to me at the oddest times and, as you know, often wind up in my column because I have deadlines. That which doesn’t kill me gives me something else to write about.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t regret mistakes. In fact I’ve had so many regrets that I’ve come up with a strategy for dealing with them. I haven’t employed it yet for missing the eclipse, so I’ll demonstrate now and you can try it when you next suffer from feelings of regret.

First I gently remind myself that regret is really an assumption that everything would be better if I’d done things differently. In other words, I’m assuming that had I stayed for the eclipse, I would have had a once-in-a-lifetime, spiritual experience because that’s what those of you who saw it tell me. Thanks for rubbing it in, by the way.

Then I remind myself that, while that may be true, it’s also possible that things could have gone terribly wrong had I managed to change my travel plans. I could have purchased eclipse glasses that turned out to be fake and had to make my way through the airport blind after the eclipse.

I could have come to blows with another eclipse watcher over the best spot to witness it and wound up in jail for public brawling. I would have deeply regretted either of those. I still would have gotten a column out of the eclipse though.

Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.